Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Riot Laugh!

By ‘Malatesta’

For Sale: Flat screen TV. Slight fire damage. Offers?
Crivvens! Britain burns, Dave dithers and Boris bumbles through but luckily the English Defence League are on hand to help! Phew! It’s not really been going too well for the EDL over the last few weeks what with the media fingering them over connections to Norwegian killer Anders Breivik, the continuing fallouts with the Jewish division, the appalling attack on a takeaway joint by Plymouth EDL and the subsequent sacking of Hayley Wells as regional organ grinder which incurred the wrath of the action monkeys of the ‘Combined Ex-Forces’ – regimental motto ‘Don’t panic! Don’t panic!’ And to top it off, after various factions have been sticking their nebs in where they simply weren’t wanted round ‘riot torn’ Britain they ended the week with a pisspoor demo in Wellington.

Poor Do!
Considering that there has been a bit of a hoo-ha recently on Albion’s fair streets, plod thought it wise to ban the EDL’s Wellington march but could not refuse a static demo. Locals were grateful as the EDL bought a bunch of outsiders into town, the Telford/ Luton match was rescheduled and shops had to fork out to some dodgy company to get boarded up. In case you don’t know, a static demo is when the EDL arrive in a town where they are not wanted armed with carrier bags of Stella to stand in a carpark with no toilets for an hour or two. After shouting a bit and getting out of hand, which the stewards always fail to deal with, plod then escorts them back to their coaches and they are told to go away. This is how ‘Islamic extremism’ has been successfully defeated by the EDL. Not really.

At Wellington a diminished EDL stood cluelessly about getting more and more irate then, after chucking bottles at plod, some clever fellow attempted to get in the dog van! Why? As Rochdale proved plod dogs love the taste of EDLers – apparently they’re like kebabs! As usual, the EDL couldn’t help themselves and after a wee bit of argy bargy there were 5 nickings, the silly Billies! As usual the stewards lost control and one female steward ‘scratched the life out of’ another member. As usual, it also kicked off a bit on the train station when plod dished up Section 60s which mean ‘bugger off now, we’ve had enough!’ and there may also have been arrests at Birmingham train station when the Stella and Charlie relationship (the EDL’s royal couple) fully blossomed. Jeff ‘Stabber’ Marsh is currently seething and posting frenzied rebuttals to the scant press reports of the day on his website.

Help Ma Boab!
It’s been a bit of week for ‘Cocaine’ Kev Carol, de facto EDL leader now that Tommy has to be in bed by 7. ‘Sir’ Tommy Robinson is currently under bail restrictions so cannot attend demos – though this did not stop him from appearing on Newsnight for some reason – and Cocaine Kev is now calling the shots. He turned up at the London trial of 3 brave EDL warriors who had been arrested for attacking ‘Muslamics’ at Speakers Corner. So much for defending free speech then lads? 1 EDL had also grabbed a policeman’s genitals! Really! There are better ways of asking for dates you know! At Wellington the cocaine cowboy praised the father of one of the 3 guys who had been killed last week for being a ‘good Muslim’ and held a minute’s silence. Apparently South Yorkshire also tried to organise a flash demo yesterday in solidarity as but they didn’t get up in time. Shame.

A Bunch of Posses!
The EDL have also been making a perfect nuisance of themselves following last week’s interruptions to the weekly shop. In Eltham a bunch of ‘middle aged men’ – who surely should know better – ended up chanting EDL slogans and fighting with plod. Locals claimed that these characters were outsiders and were not welcome especially after they attacked a bus with some black lads on it and members of the EDL Facebook pages were calling for some ‘nig bashing.’

How 70s! The EDL have claimed that these chaps weren’t members but seeing as how there is no formal membership scheme anyone who says they are EDL is therefore EDL no matter how many times Kev and Tommy deny it. David Cameron condemned the EDL this week by calling them ‘sick’ and the EDL have finally got round to issuing a statement on it. It makes for dull reading.

In Enfield, an EDL vigilante posse turned up to be roundly condemned by plod for drinking too much and getting in the way of things. Manchester EDL made a half-arsed attempt to do something but then didn’t. The EDL also claimed to have swept the streets of Cambridge clear of Brigands and then indulged in their favourite pastime of intimidating takeaway joints (like in Plymouth and Leicester).

Following the attack on the Plymouth takeaway 2 weeks back, Hayley Wells was removed as regional organiser for her part in the incident. The EDL leadership of course denied they had anything to do with it but seeing at it was caused by the Plymouth EDL after a Plymouth EDL meet and greet then it was Plymouth EDL wot done it!

Hayley got a bit of a Facebook bollocking of Ma Wells for drinking and fighting instead of looking after her children. Hayley’s fiancé is Michael Rafferty, ‘commander’ of the Combined ex-Forces group (they love their little titles don’t they?) and he waltzed off in a tizz after Tommy slagged them all off and they are no longer friends. Hayley ran the EDL Extra on Facebook and she is currently having a pram war with Hel Gower (Tommy’s PA & known fascist) and the toys are flying about!

The Combined exForces also features our old mate Billy ‘Bunter’ Baker of the English Nationalists Association –hello Chubs, how’s the diet? - and they are threatening to march on Downing Street on September 3rd. I may be wrong but the only ‘forces’ Bunter Baker has experienced is when he forces another pasty into his toothless maw. The 3rd is also the date of the Tower Hamlets do which Tommy has promised is going to be a ‘bloodbath.’ Yes, but for who?

The EDL have been invited to a Peterborough mosque to discuss issues but we will not be holding our breath. The EDL will not publicly debate with muslims for 3 reasons: that many of the EDL’s arguments are flawed and do not stand up to scrutiny; that the leadership have no one left who is articulate enough to debate in public; and they are unable to distinguish between moderate Muslims and the tiny percentage of Islamic extremists in the UK - as demonstrated by them singing ‘Mohammed /Allah is a pedo’ and assuming ‘moderate Muslims’ will not mind. So all in all a pretty terrible couple of weeks for the EDL: Norway, the Jewish division problems, numerous fallouts, being slagged in Parliament by Mr Dave and ever diminishing demos. Shame.

See you on the 3rd!

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